Weblog
Friday, 27 February 2009
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Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
Or at least that is what Sorien Kirkegaard says. While life if a constant barrage of information like successes, failures, things to remember, or things to forget, it is also a complete mystery. We never truly know what will happen on a second to second basis. Nor do we know how we will react to what happens. The only constant thing in life is the knowledge that life will continue to rush towards death. I have heard it said many times that hindsight is 20/20. And I have found this to be continually true. It seems that only after the circumstance can we truly understand what the right thing was to do. I have had time to think about such a circumstance. A young man, just a few years younger than me, was in my office the other day almost in tears because of a relationship. He was clinging to a relationship with a young woman. It started out to be benificail to both parties, but after a while it had become mutually destructive. The young woman's father didn't approve of this young man and had forbidden his daughter from dating him. Of course they snuck around just like any other pair of young people who are in love but forbidden from being so. Because of this the relationship continued to become more and more destructive. Finally, this young man is sitting in my office. Ironically, I have a hard time reaching this young man on a regular basis, but today I was able to reach him like never before. I, having been in the same situation only a few years ago myself, began to share my story with him. It wasn't a story of sadness, but of hope. He had reached the point where he thought this was the only girl that would ever love him. I had been there too. However as life progressed I became married a few years later and am now expecting my first child. I explained to him that it is only now that I truely understand what happend in the past. "It's just so hard", he said through his tears. I know, exactly how that feels. Later on I reflected more on my own circumstance I realized just how important it was for me to go through that experience. It has had a lot to do with the man I am today. It has caused me to stop and examine things a little more throughly. It also taught me how to love., and how true love is the kind that never turns its back on you despite the circumstances. Lastly, it taught me that true love doesn't have to be made to work, but rather that it comes naturally and even through there are times you have to work through problems, the love remains constant. I also realize how important the friendship I lost was. I almost regret ever loving that person simply because it cost me a great friendship. Life is full of regrets, or as some would say learning expriences. Do I regret what happend? Yes and no. I miss the friendship, but I don't regret what I learned from the experience. I don't regret the relationship I have now, nor the wisdom that comes from learning from circumstances. It seems that while we don't like it, life can only be lived forward and understood backwards. The important thing in life is to not get so indifferent that we don't try to understand.
Tuesday, 05 August 2008
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I'm Not Who I Was
It is funny how hindsight brings all things to light. For those who do not know, and those who might still glance at this blog every now and then, I have been working at Valley Springs Youth Ranch as an activity director. Thus, I have not had internet access for several months. Now I am beginning the career I had hoped for working at the same company as a Case Manager. Now I can start a life, and settle in to the post-graduation existence that I have dreaded. It doesn't look bad. I will be married next month on the 27th. I already have a home that I will own in five years. And I am now in contact with my friends again which I have missed for some time. I can also finally feel God's presence in random ways. For example, when I read an old friend's blog, I feel the peace and presence of God even though our friendship died some time ago. I also can now see why some of the things that happened to me during my younger years. They occured so that I can reach out to others in similar situtations and make a positive impact upon their lives. I am afraid that I won't be able to write much longer, but I will be writing regularly now that I have internet again.
Peace,
theweeper
Thursday, 13 March 2008
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Blessed are the Peacemakers
Friends are a blast aren’t they? Almost everyone has one. I guess this would be an appropriate area for a disclaimer. The reason I say that almost everyone has one is some people don’t realize that they have friends, and some people simply don’t have friends. There are different reasons for this phenomenon called, “loneliness”. Maybe you are like me and you can be very moody some of the time, okay, all of the time. Then the friend who see you most soon don’t necessarily want to hang out all the time anymore. Or maybe you are one of the unfortunate who has been misunderstood and nobody wants to hang out with what they can’t understand.
Okay, now that the disclaimer is done we can move on to more important things, those for which this blog is written. Since most, if not all, of us have at least one friend we can understand a certain phenomenon called, “fighting”. That is where I am right now. To of my very dear friends are roommates and they are involved in a fight that would rival a fully involved structure fire for intensity. You see one of these girls is completely in the right and has no reason for reprisal of any sort. However, her roommate doesn’t think so. The bad part is that it involves me. The roommates’’ problem appears to be with me, however, we believe she is just blaming me for her attitude especially with all the finger pointing I have received lately. You know, every time I turn around if seems like someone is mad, angry, disappointed, or disgusted with me. But, I digress. So this roommate also cannot be told that she is in the wrong on anything. Her attitude is, “I am right. You can’t prove me otherwise and if you try I will prove my point no matter what.” She also has a problem with offending people. She will say whatever is on her mind no matter what it is or how it sounds or even if it will hurt the person in question. So without warning last night she blew up on her roommate, my closest friend, and started to preach at her. Finally she said she didn’t want to room with her anymore because, “It is bad for good friends to room together” (Kind of messes with the idea of marrying your best friend since you can’t room with them, huh?). Anyway you get the idea. So here I am watching someone I care about greatly in tears because of the stress she is receiving from this girl and other sources. I also find myself trying to be the peacemaker again. You see, God has blessed me with the ability to listen to other people’s problems and help them resolve their issues. However, I can’t seem to fix this one. So, I must stand by my friend and lend her a shoulder to cry on as she struggles with this annoying thing. It has to be one of the hardest things in the world, next to watching your child die, to see a friend suffering and not be able to comfort them in anyway. Maybe that is why Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers . . .”
Jesus, teaching on a mountain, began to speak on what we know as the Beatitudes. One of the several character traits Jesus called “blessed” was those who serve as peacemakers. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the sons of God.” All I know is that being a peacemaker sometimes feels like a bouncer popular night club. Some days you are rewarded with a smile from both parties and the knowledge that God has used you to solve a potential problem. But some days it seems like nothing you say or do can stop the ever growing volcanic eruption. Maybe peacemakers are called “blessed” because when everything goes right you feel very blessed that you were able to help your friends. However, there is great unrest when you realize that you can’t do a thing to help your friends get through their problems. This has to be the one thing that makes me feel absolutely helpless. Maybe it is an addiction of mine, helping my friends. Who really knows? All I know is lately I don’t know what to do. I have thought till my brain couldn’t think anymore. So please pray for me that I will be able to be an encouragement to my friends and uplift their spirits instead adding to the problem. Also, please pray for my friends. Out of respect for them I will not mention their names, but I know that God knows their names as well as the details that even I don’t know. Please pray as this is very taxing on all of us and we need all the prayer we can get.
theweeper
Thursday, 06 March 2008
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All I can say is Wow! So much has happened since I last had time to write! I am now in my last semester at College (Whew! It's been a long four years at times!). I am also looking at an internship at Valley Springs Youth Ranch, which will turn into a full-time job! Lastly I am going to be married in a year or less! Things have sped away from me in a way that only God can control, and I get to set back and enjoy the ride! Right now it is 12:54 am and I am wondering why I always seem to wait until ungodly late hours to write on this thing, so I will have to finish tomorrow! Until then, Good night!
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
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Interview with God
Have you ever wondered what you would ask God if you had the chance to interview him? I confess that I have never thought much about what I would ask or even what His answers might be. A few years ago one of my roomates in college showed me a cool video that has made me think a little more about those questions. I highly recommend this video, even though it is something someone made a few years ago. Take a look at it yourselves and see what you think. Here is the hyperlink http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/ Enjoy!
theweeper
theweeper
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- Member Since: 3/31/2006
